Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
