smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
