They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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