this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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