he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
