Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
