So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
