i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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