Sponge bath it is.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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