What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
