the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
