she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
