For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
