Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
