Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
