Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
