ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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