All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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