I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
