Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
