this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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