There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
