I can text with my tongue
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
