i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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