dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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