I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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