At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
