well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do herpes really smell.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
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My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need water and some morals
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends