i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.