Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA