if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony