i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.