he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
