you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
