you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
