so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
