I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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