there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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