if i can run in heels then i can drive
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
