My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
