just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
