I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
