Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
