Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
