i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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