Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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