I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We got so high we made milksteak
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
