I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You can't special order awesome
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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