Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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