I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
