And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
