Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
