Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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