ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
