NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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