hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
