It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
