my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize
