don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
