I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
