he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
