I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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