So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
