you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
