I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
