she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
