I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
