i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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