this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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