peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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